Surprise
by BashfulGnome
Summary: Even after more than 30 years, there were still some things he didn't know.


Ralph plodded along his way to Felix and Calhoun's house, bag in hand, thankful that he had managed the events of the past day without incident. The previous night, Vanellope had decided she was having a sleepover at the wrecker's place, whether he liked it or not, and Ralph had to grudgingly borrow a bunch of blankets and pillows on short notice from the handyman in order to make a spare corner of his bedroom a fit place for her to sleep. Ralph's home, being sparsely furnished as it was, had only one bed and he didn't expect her to sleep on the bare floor, or on him, as it was a work night – not to mention the havoc that was possible if she slept on his couch, which was in another room away from his supervision. Between using him as a trampoline, painting his nails, raiding his fridge, and generally making herself at home, Vanellope had ensured that Ralph would have one tired racer to drag back to her game in the morning. After all that he'd put up with before work even started, he was anxious to finish his errand and get some downtime.

It had been a long day – Calhoun was still out tending to some business in_ Hero's Duty_, and the Nicelanders had taken this opportunity to spend time with Felix, as well as make use of his services by bringing him a backlog of various personal items to be fixed. At this point the day's rush was finally through and Felix's daily maintenance duties had been completed, so Ralph intended to return the bedding that afternoon. Then perhaps he'd get in some personal time, before stopping by _Sugar Rush_ later to spend some quality time with the little president in a place where he wouldn't have to tidy up any messes afterwards.

The door to the house was open as it often was; few residents of the game bothered to lock up, especially when it was still light outside the arcade. Upon entering, he was surprised to see that the lights were out and the house was still. Of course Calhoun wasn't back yet, but hadn't Felix already retired for the day?

_Huh. Coulda sworn he said he'd be home._

Carefully navigating up the stairs so as not to crush them, Ralph glanced around for any signs of life in the building. His foot padded over a worn spot in the stairwell and the beam creaked in response, eliciting a faint giggle from the room upstairs.

_Of course, I shoulda known…he's playing tricks on me._

Ralph knocked on the door. More giggles.

"Come in~"

He quietly shrugged to himself. Opening the door, he found the room to be just as dark as the hallway. He grasped around for a light switch before flicking on the room's lamp, the sudden light blinding him for a second. He heard a familiar voice – he recognized the inflection, but not the tone – coming from further inside.

"Ma'am, I gotta tell you that I've been a real naughty little soldier, and it's up to you to decide my punishm—_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!****"**_

_**"****GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!****"**_

The piercing cry came to Ralph just after his vision recovered, and what he saw made him reflexively slap his hands over his face in shock, which served to stifle his own scream as well as shield his eyes. He tumbled backward and dropped the parcel beside his spot on the floor.

The light revealed Felix laying sideways atop the bed in his hat and toolbelt, though notably it was all he wore. Upon rolling over to face the doorway after the light came on and seeing that the figure that had entered the house was not, in fact, his lovely wife, Felix scrambled to cover himself with the corner of the bedspread. Shrieking throughout, and holding the sheets over himself, he frantically scooted backwards until he teetered on the edge of the bed while burying his face in the covers to avert his mortified gaze from the wrecker. The well-placed magic hammer in his toolbelt had luckily prevented Ralph from being exposed to any more than he needed to see, but he'd still seen enough. With his massive hands still hovering protectively in front of his line of vision, he attempted exit while conversing with them.

"Aw geez I…uh…yeah…um…THANKSFORTHESTUFFIBROUGHTITBACKHEREYOUGO" – Ralph stood and clumsily kicked the dropped bag into the room, aiming in Felix's general direction, "I'LLSEEYOUTOMORROWATWORKBYE" – and dashed away, one hand still raised to shield him from the sight of the mostly-naked handyman.

Ralph bounded down the stairs, eyes still wide with residual shock and embarrassment. Of course he figured that they did…_that_, but he'd hoped he'd never have to witness it in any capacity. He threw open the door – which slammed into the side of the house with a harsh **_thoom_** – and made a break for Game Central, hoping none of the Nicelanders tried to strike up a conversation. He was too shaken up to notice his sister-in-law approaching from the game's exit. She immediately caught sight of him desperately bolting to the train station with a cherry-red face and terrified countenance.

"HEY! Wreck-It! What's eatin' you?"

"CAN'TTALKNOWBYE" Ralph shouted. Scrambling into the little train and flopping across the seats, not even bothering to make himself comfortable, he disappeared out of view as the cars puttered away.

Confused for a moment, Calhoun stood staring into the tunnel. Her curious glance panned to the door of her and Felix's house, and as this assessment of the damage combined with the simultaneous realization that it was in fact a Saturday night - and Valentine's Day, at that - it quickly dawned on the sergeant what had scared off the poor wrecker. A knowing smirk played its way across her face before she shook her head and made her way inside for an enjoyable evening.

* * *

**Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.**


End file.
